When one of your oldest and dearest man friends calls you out of the blue and asks if you are home, you invite him over. Let me backup a minute. We all have those friends, that you truly believe would do anything for you and your family. You may not talk every day or even every year but you know, that when it’s the dead of winter and you cannot get your heater to fire in the middle of the night, he will get out of bed, leave the comfort of his warm house and loving girlfriend and, be right the fuck over. Yeah, that’s my friend Nate.
When we were kids Nate was Ricks younger brother by a few years. Along with their younger Sister Carrie they were the cool family to know as their parents were always there to offer a house to play your loud guitars in and have epic childhood sleepovers. Yeah, they were my family of friends I got to grow up with.
As luck would have it, we both settled just a few miles from each other and after years of him watching me race and ride motorcycles everywhere, the bug finally got to him and he, was buying a small Rukus scooter. Now I don’t know why he would buy something as small as a little rukus but, it got him on 2 wheels so it had my vote. So the day he purchased said small Rukus with a top speed of 22 mph, he called and asked if I was home and, if he could cruise over. My reply was absolutely, come on over. Originally I feared maybe something was wrong, or maybe he had a technical or mechanically challenging question he needed help with, being a mechanic myself sometimes, we get to geek out on stuff like that together. Maybe he found God in a new way or wanted to sell me amway? I did not care what the reason, Nate, was always welcome at my house.
As I anticipate his arrival and relaxing for a few minutes in my old man comfy chair, I start to hear something in my next door neighbors front yard. It kind of sounded like a lawnmower revving, and that just made no sense to me. Being the nosy neighbor that I am I got up and opened the front door to the darkening evening were, I could see my neighbor thought her side window. With her new baby held tight to her bosom she was closing her front door and curtains with some haste to avoid the situation unfolding on her front lawn. The situation that, was my friend Nate, revving his little Rukus to full throttle, raping it’s pipe for all it is worth again and again. I stepped out my front door and off my porch and, waved at Nate with a big smile on my face. He looked over at me and quickly realized, he, was at the wrong house. He sped over to my lawn via Rukus, shut down the machine and asked me, “Hey, did you move or something?”
“No,” I replied, “Lived here, most of my life.”
“Oh,” he stated with that questioning look on his face under his helmet, “Are you sure you did not live next door in that house?”
“Yup, pretty sure Nate, always lived here.”
“Oh, I was wondering why you weren’t coming outside, I thought maybe you were going deaf in our old age or something. Sooooo, that lady, clutching the baby and closing her curtains and front door on me is your neighbor, do you know her?”
With the largest smile imaginable I replied “Yup, she is my neighbor, and I am sure you scared the hell out of her with all 50 c.c.’s of your cool little skoot here.”
“Yeah, I was wondering why the front door slammed and the curtains were closed on me.” Nate replied this as he stepped through his scooter to dismount and I, could not stop laughing.
The moral of this true story is, if you are going to show off in your friends front yard, go all out like Nate and, show off in your friends neighbors front yard, especially when they are female and, breast feeding their new baby.
P.S. No breast feeding neighbors or, breast feed babies were injured during the unfolding of this story and, my neighbor accepted my apology for my friend Nate making an ass out of himself, on the wrong lawn.